I wanted a voice. A platform to outpour my distressed state of emotions. Is there a 9-1-1 for emotional emergency? If it exists , then I am a call away. The weight on my head and heart is way heavier than that of a fresh heartbreak. I mean , I have tried; North , South , East and West no safe place. Locating my purpose has been between a rock and a hard place. It's like applying gear 5 on a hill.

Having read a handsome number of motivational books from highly recommended authors; Joel Osteen , Steve Harvey , Mel Robbins Et cetera , I am still habit looping. Today I decide to give myself a push , then it pops up. That sound. The trembling voice of "Ha!Ha!Ha! Give up woman , the push isn't worth your energy". Urgh! Really now! Then that little high-pitched retrogressive thought hits your last existing immune built brain cell."You aren't enough. You aren't qualified. That which you seek is null and void". What!!?? Pressure mounts. The more it heightens the colder your nerves get. Anxiety builds up. Stress stalks and teases in bits. The head becomes a poshomill of thoughts. Later a black out finds it's way to calm you down. Your perspiration is beyond a saloon cars speed limit. It's Cheetah-ing. It's wueeh!

To add more salt to the injury , I see my friends. Hey! Hold up! Slow down the viewing speed to 0.5x. A fair number of them have quickied to milk the golden cow. Airboarding is their new means of transport while I am loading off the white-liquid from the small taps of a cow. My genius-ness lapses. Instantly, I feel stupid. An educated drum-head. How on earth is luck toe to toe with them?

I finally wake up. Yeah , I got a talent or like think I have one. Which one?Mmmmh...I don't know. The number of auditions I have held in my imagination , I have lost count; Music audition ,reality shows and acting auditions all I have had a scoop. The trees , goats , sheep and the air around me as the judges , approve nothing. I forget our senses are completely different. Okay , does air have sense?Oops! I am still figuring out my talent before gnashing my teeth in Heaven for failing to make use of my God-given gift.

The best part of all these shenanigans , is I am in love. In love with who? Not myself for sure coz the last time I stood Infront of the bedroom mirror, appreciated the good things on display , it's possible not to remember. Ever since I began watching football , I fell in love first with the game then came the home and away kits later the ripped bodies. Oh My God!My jaws have never dropped harder. Wait till an idea crosses your mind and capture the image of the Right Back player am talking about. I know...I know it's a drooling dream which is too good to be true , I enjoy to my satisfaction. It's obsession , right? Wait , before you respond , our wedding was cancelled due to a hamstring injury from the Bridegroom......to be continued

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