Your friends don't refer you—and sometimes, it's your fault.
I heard Mwalimu Tom talk about having friends who can mention your name at the high tables, and it got me thinking.
There are different kinds of friends.
First, there are friends who genuinely root for you.
They want to see you win.
They celebrate your progress.
They'll encourage you when things get difficult.
But they simply don't have access to life-changing opportunities.
That's not their fault.
Then there's the second group.
They root for you—as long as you don't surpass them.
They're comfortable sympathising with your struggles.
But the moment you start gaining momentum, something changes.
The calls become fewer.
The excitement disappears.
That's another conversation.
Then there's the third group.
These are the friends who have access.
They sit in rooms where opportunities are discussed.
They know people.
They can open doors.
They hear about opportunities you may never even know existed.
But they don't mention your name.
And this is where things get uncomfortable.
We're quick to say:
“My friends don't support me.”
But perhaps the better question is:
“Would I risk my reputation by referring myself?”
Because when someone mentions your name at a high table, they're putting their own credibility on the line.
If they know you as someone who's always late...
If they know you as someone who does mediocre work...
If they know you as someone who doesn't follow through...
If they know you as someone who needs constant supervision...
Why would they risk their name to recommend you?
Maybe they do root for you.
Maybe they simply don't trust your work enough to put their reputation behind it.
That's painful to hear.
But it's also empowering.
Because you can change it.
Build a reputation for excellence.
Be reliable.
Do what you say you'll do.
Develop a strong work ethic.
Make your work speak before you do.
Become the person people can confidently say:
“I know someone who can do this. Call him.”
Don't just ask for access to the high tables.
Become good enough that when your name comes up, someone is willing to put their name behind it.
Because sometimes, the problem isn't that nobody knows you.
It's that nobody is confident enough to recommend you.
And that's something you can fix.
